day 1

Well here goes, whats been happening in my boring old life? I say old but 45 isn't really old is it? Where do I begin? lucky I can touch type a skill I learned at school all those years ago. My life started in London in 1962, tiny baby and managed to survive, one of five. I have a large family and married eventually in 91 have 3 boys and work part time, struggle to keep up with all the bills and stresses of life, always having fights with kids and hubby, feel like what is this all about, life that is why? what am I here for, I keep thinking that life will get easier, but it doesn't and at every stage of life be it job or moving marriage and children problems come along and things never look or feel as good as they should, if only I could win the lottery then all my problems would be solved, I think that but whether it is true is another thing. I often wonder whether I should have married the person I did, and yet there are times that I couldn't do without him, but is that love or just loss of independence and scared to be on ones own with 3 demanding boys. There must have been atime when I was happy but not for the last few years, there is always more I want, more space, decent holidays, the last time I went aboard was before children, 15 years ago now, can't afford a holiday in this country let alone any where else, I so want to go to New Zealand have a very good friend out there, she just up sticks and went and is loving every minute of it. There are so many places I want to see, but when and how can I with so much luggage too late reallly should have done it before married. Look out all you young people go get it while you can make the most of your freedom and appreciate it , otherwise you won,t when you have ties such as aging parents and children. Don't get me wrong I do have times when I enjoy my children and having a decent life, afterall there are so many people in the world who are suffering, I just feel that I never appreciated what I had when I had it if you understand, god I am going on, better stop. see ya
j